Beautiful Blooms Require Work

Growing up my Mom had the most beautiful gardens.  She still does.  She cares for them in a meticulous manner.  She weeds them and ensures that no plant is chocking the life out of another plant.  She waters them and provides them with the necessary nutrients that they need to grow to their full potential.

My Mom really enjoys gardening.  She knows what it takes to make a garden grow.

I, on the other hand, would LOVE to have a beautiful garden with beautiful flowers blooming but I want nothing to do with the work involved in taking care of it.  The thought of being outdoors weeding and pruning and cutting and digging is not my idea of fun.

As Lysa TerKeurst says, "I want the flowers but not the work.  Isn't that the way it is with many things in life -- we want the results but have no desire to put in the work required?"  (Made to Crave pg. 35).

Now take a look at how you care for yourself.  We wash ourselves to ensure that we are clean on the outside.  Some times we even take special care in how we style our hair and we may even put on some makeup.  A splash of perfume and something nice to wear and we are ready to face the day.

However, what are you putting into your body to care for it?

Just like a gardener wouldn't feed their plants something that would potentially harm them, we too need to be aware of the "deadly" foods that we are putting into our bodies.

We need to be willing to do the work in order to cultivate a healthier version of ourselves.

I am sure that we all wish that we could snap our fingers and voila!  A smarter, better, healthier version of ourselves would appear.  However, we all know that it is something only possible in our dreams.

Besides, if we could do that, then what would become of our relationship with God that we have been so strongly working towards?  We may be a physically healthier version of ourselves but we would not be a spiritually healthier version of ourselves.

This journey is going to take everything you can put into it and then some.  At times it may even require your blood, sweat and tears.  But keep your eyes fixed on the destination that you are working towards.

I cannot say how long this journey is going to take you because for each person it is different.  I have been on this journey for almost 4 years and with each day I grow healthier both physically and spiritually.  I have had my set backs.  I have shed many tears and yes, there was even some blood involved.  However, I can see my destination and I know that I will be a much stronger person once I get there.

Food Diary: Friend or Foe?

Do you keep a Food Diary.  You know, that little book that you write down every little morsel of food that goes into your mouth? 

Okay, I will admit, it can be extremely daunting and difficult and horribly old fashioned, but you would be surprised how many extra little details you miss when you try and calculate everything at the end of the day.

A Food Diary can be a great way to help you stay on track in your journey and can also help you to see when, in your life, you are more susceptible to snacking on foods that we know we will feel guilty about later.

Earlier today I posted this question on my Facebook Page.  Mothers consume an extra 73,043 calories a year by doing this . . . . 


The answer?  Stealing food from their kids.

Incredible isn't it?  Without thought we are allowing ourselves to fall prey to the one thing we are trying so hard to prevent.

I know that I am guilty of this and I am trying so hard to not do it.  Regardless of how much my mouth is watering when I see those delicious and delectable Teddy Graham crackers on the table!

Now, a Food Diary is going to be of no value to you if you cannot be honest.  That means, regardless of whether or not you had a bowl of ice cream at 9:00 a.m., you need to write it down.  That way, when you look back on it you will be able to see why you are not as far along in your journey as you were hoping or if your eating patterns reflect significant events in your life.

So what are some benefits of keeping a Food Diary?  Well, here are a few for you:

• Accountability - have your partner or a friend look at your Food Diary with you at the end of the week to see where you could have been more faithful in your journey.  
• Increases Awareness - you are able to more readily see where those extra calories are coming from
• Calorie Awareness - a Food Diary might help you realize that you are eating too many calories at one meal and will help you see where you can shed some calories and more strategically place them throughout your day.
• Proper Eating - a Food Diary will help you realize if you are eating too much of one food group and not enough from another food group.  It will also help you realize if you are eating enough fruits and vegetables.
• Portion Sizes - a Food Diary can also help you see if you are eating proper portion sizes in your meals.  Not sure what proper portion sizes are?  Check Here!

Those are some pretty big benefits!

When I started off on my journey I kept a Food Diary occasionally.  I will admit, I was not always the most faithful at writing in it daily but when I did, it most definitely helped me see where I was going wrong and what I needed to change.  Plus, my husband would look at it which helped to keep me more accountable.

My biggest pointer to keeping a Food Diary would be to write down what you are going to eat the day before.  That way, you can just follow it without having to sit and think and ponder throughout your day.  However, make sure that if you do eat something that was not previously written down that you include it in, maybe in a different colour, so that you can see where you may need to make changes (for example:  you may need to add in more protein throughout your day to help curb your cravings for snacks).

Here are 5 tips from WebMD to help you keep your Food Diary:

• Write as you go.  Don't wait until the end of the day to record what you ate and drank.  "We recommend they write down as soon as they can after they eat," says Victor Stevens, PhD.
• Focus on portion size.  Practice at home with measuring cups, measuring spoons, or food scales.  And be aware that people tend to underestimate how much food they're served.
• Use whatever type of Food Diary that works for you.  It doesn't matter whether you use scrap paper, a personal digital assistant (PDA), or a notebook.  What matters is that you use it.
• Don't skip your indulgent days.  "We encourage people to keep records especially on days when they're tempted to eat," says Stevens.  "What gets measured tends to get changed."
• Cook at home.  You'll have more control over what you consume, and you know what that food contains, and how much of it you're eating.  That makes for a more detailed entry in your food diary.

Another important thing to consider when you are keeping your Food Diary, says Julian Hooks from Review that Diet, is what you were doing while you were eating.  He lists 4 important questions to ask yourself:

1. Did you eat in front of the TV?
2. Were you snacking while preparing a meal or cleaning up afterwards?
3. Do you eat while doing other tasks like reading or working?
4. Do you frequently eat as a social activity?

"These are most often times that we eat without even realizing it," he says.  "And more importantly, eating while we are not even hungry."

So if a Food Diary is something that you feel will work for you then I encourage you to start one today!!!  It may be another step in your journey to help you realize your cravings towards food and turn them into cravings towards God!

If you require a template to follow for your Food Diary, consider this one from Review that Diet.

I'll Praise You With The Dance!

Dear Friends, today I want to dance!

The sun is shining, the air is cool, and the skies are blue!  My heart and my soul are filled in so many unbelievable ways!

I can feel God working in my life as my heart becomes less troubled and begins to feel more at ease.

Oh how I want to kick up my feet and dance for Jesus!

God has been making my heart and my spirit joyful in a time when I feel like I could be discouraged and downcast.  Life seems to have been filled with many trials and tribulations lately but through God's grace I am managing to over come them.

Do you find that when things get tough and unexpected situations arise it is much easier to turn away from the journey and turn to what we think gives us comfort?  Do you find that the temptation to turn to that pint of ice cream or chocolate bar bears down on you stronger than before?

It does for me.

It is like every fiber in my being, everything part of me is drawn to those things that I know will only leave me with an empty feeling of satisfaction and an extreme amount of guilt.  I find myself taking steps towards the cupboard or the fridge where the the snacks are "hiding" only to snap back to reality and turn in the opposite direction.

Oh how easy it is, dear friends, to fall on our knees before God and pray when things in our life are going as expected!  Yet how easy it is for us to turn away from the great comforter and deliverer when we feel like we have been handed the short end of the stick.

Dear Friends, may I continue to encourage you to press on!  Continue to break down the mountain of bricks of temptations and cravings and turn them into a pathway of prayer!  Your rewards will be great!

My Knight In Shining Armor

I have been busy reading Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst again as I find myself having lots and lots of downtime due to my knee issues.

I came across the following quote and was amazed at how much it resonated deep within me (yet again!):

But I did need to make changes.  I knew it.  Because this wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was this battle that raged in my heart.  (Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave, pg. 28)

Dear Friends, this battle has been raging strong lately in my heart.  Not being able to be physically active has left me with this sort of empty feeling.

I know that I have not been faithful in my journey as of late.  I know that I have allowed myself to occasionally turn to food before I have turned to God.

Let me be clear, it is not like I have forgotten my journey.  That is always at the forefront of my mind.  However, I realize that I am merely human and that I do slip up from time to time.

Does this excuse it?  Definitely NOT!  However, it most certainly helps me learn from it.

Lysa TerKeurst refers to her battle as a mountain.  As she continues to bring her battles and struggles with food to God and turn to Him, she removes bricks from her mountain and turns it into a pathway to prayer.

This does not mean that we will not struggle!

However, it gives us faith to know that the more we continue to press on in our journey to become women who crave God and NOT food that we are building our pathway to a greater and deeper relationship with our Heavenly Father.

I know that this post has taken a long time to be written.  I started writing and then would delete it.  Started and then delete.  Time and time again I have been trying to find the right words to write down.

My struggle runs deep . . . daily.  The more I find circumstances pressing in on me the more I find it increasingly harder to turn and give all that I have and all that I am to our God.

Dear Friends, if you are struggling please know that I lift you up daily in constant prayer.  You are not alone in this journey.

I know that I am comforted in the fact that God is carrying me in his arms as I write this.  I would be so lost if I did not have the love of our Heavenly Father and the faith to know that He will continue to wage war for me in my battles.

He is my knight in shining armor!  Riding forth on his valiant steed with sword raised and shield readied to fight for me.

How comforting!

We serve a great and glorious king and I am reminded of this daily.  My prayer is that you, too, will know just how mighty and powerful and great of a God we serve and that you will learn to pour all that you have and all that you are into an everlasting and deep relationship with Him.

Grocery Store - Friend or Foe?

The end of the week is drawing near which means a much needed trip to our local grocery store.

This is a good and a bad thing for me.

We need groceries to be able to eat and with a fridge full of fresh fruits and vegetables, eating healthy and making smarter choices is much easier.

The bad thing?  All the unhealthy choices that stare me straight in the face as I walk through the aisles.

It is so hard to turn away from cookies, cakes, ice cream, popsicles, chocolate, gummies . . . you name it, as you walk past them in the grocery store.

Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard you try these things always seem to creep up on you?

I purposely try not to take my children with me when I do my groceries because it is so much easier to avoid temptations when your children are not there asking for this, that and the next thing.

Yet it can also be a dangerous place to be in when you are trying to eat right and make those choices that you know are better for you.

I have caught myself before, standing in front of the Oreo cookies and I do believe that I had a line of drool escaping from my lips!

It has been said that the outer perimeter of your local grocery store is the healthiest place to shop.  So, you should purchase as much of your groceries from this section as you can.  It is here where you will find your fruits, vegetables, breads, meats, cheese, and dairy.

However, nestled right in there, snug beside the fruits and the vegetables are these glorious looking clear bins filled with bright coloured, sugar coated, some salty and some sweet, delicious, delectable candy.

Why in the world would a store designer think that this would be a great place to put candy bins!  I mean, here I am walking through the grocery store being proud of all the healthy foods that I am placing in my shopping cart, giving myself a great pat on the back that so far, I have been able to resist temptations.

And then it hits me . . . smack in the face.

I do my best to put my blinders up.  I walk with my head down (although I do not advise this if your grocery store is busy) and try to rush past the bins swallowing as much as I can since my mouth has begun to water at the sight of all the sugary, seemingly divine candy.

Apparently, dear friends, these temptations are hard to resist regardless of how far along in our journey we are.

It is important to remember that, despite continuously having these feelings, it is not a sign that you are failing.

I know that I have had that thought time and again.  How can I be at this point in my journey and still have these types of feelings towards foods that I know I should not have?!?!

The answer is not an easy one.  I honestly cannot say why my body reacts the way that it does towards sugar, chocolate, chips . . . anything that it seems to know that it cannot have.

Just typing this post to you all and my mouth is watering.

What I do know is that I have a Heavenly Father who wants to do battle for me.  I have a God who wants to stand beside me and help me overcome my temptations.

And lastly, I have a heart that longs to desire a deeper, more intimate relationship with my Creator.

Even if it means that I sit here eating cucumber instead of a bowl of chips.

Knee Update!

Here is a little update on my knee:

Currently the pain has subsided and the swelling has gone down.  For this I give thanks!

I am still dealing with an achy knee at the end of the day but it is manageable.  It still feels a little bit stiff but I am almost at full range of motion.

I am very thankful for all the prayers and support that I have received.  God has certainly been granting me healing and He has been teaching me patience along the way!

I cannot wait to get back out running again!  Just over a week longer to wait and then I plan on trying to see my family doctor to talk about preventative measures so that something like this does not happen again!

Thank you all again for your kind words and support!  They are all greatly appreciated!

Our Bodies Are a Living Temple

When I began this journey almost 3 years ago now, I never really took time to consider the fact that what I had been doing to my body was not only unhealthy but also against what scripture teaches us about our bodies.

As I stated in my post about Focusing on Yourself, we need to remind ourselves that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit.  (1 Corinthians 6 vv 19 to 20)

In the Old Testament, the temple was a place of worship.  Great pride was taken in the design of it and it was crafted with care.  It took many years for it to be built.  1 Kings 6 vs 38 states that Solomon spent 7 years building the temple.  They cut and prepared timber and stone for it's crafting (1 Kings 5 vs 18).

7 years.  That is a great deal of time.  It is not like he just rushed through it and had it built in a year or even 2.  Solomon spent 7 years building the temple.

And rightfully he should have.

The temple was the place where people went to worship God.  It was a holy and glorified place.

It brings my thoughts back around to how I was treating my "temple of the Holy Spirit."  How I was neglecting it and pouring unhealthy things into it.

These days I have begun thinking of my body as something that needs to be filled up with spiritual nourishment. In order for me to take care of my body, I need to fill myself up with the word of God and allow him to work in me.

My body belongs entirely to God.  I am not free to do with it as I will.  I need to follow his teachings and I need allow myself to listen to Him and to lead where He has called me.

I guess another way to think of it is when you borrow something from your friend.  It is not something that belongs to us so we take care not to damage it or ruin it.

Why then, dear friends, can we not treat our bodies the same way?

I know that I was not purposefully treating my body poorly.  I was not intentionally treating this body that I had been given with disrespect.

In fact, I didn't even know that I was doing it!

I don't know about you, but when I see that my body is a "temple of the Holy Spirit" and that it needs to be my place of worship to God, I find myself thinking more about what I put into it then I did before.

Dear friends, I encourage you all to think of your bodies as the living temples that they were designed by God to be.  Raise your hands in worship to Him and glorify Him in your daily living.

Call on Him when you need Him and fill yourself up with spiritual nourishment.  It will only help you that much more on your own personal journey with your Heavenly Father.


"Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."  (2 Corinthians 7 vs 1)

Focus on Yourself - It's Okay!

I am first and foremost a Daughter of a Great and Glorious Heavenly Father.

Then I am an earthly daughter, a wife, a mother and a friend.

I have so many things pulling me in all different directions.  My family, my job, my church family and my friends.  I give with all that I have to all things that I am involved in and care deeply about.

In the process, however, I slowly begin to lose focus on something equally as important.

Me.

One thing that I have been learning is that it is so easy for us, as women, to lose focus on ourselves.  We want to pour all that we have into those that we love.  We want the best for them, to encourage them, to be there for them and to guide and teach them.  With all of this outpouring we tend to put our own personal needs on the back burner.

Sometimes we look for an easy way out just so that we can feel like we are focusing on ourselves.  Call it a quick fix or simple solutions.  Whatever it is, we give ourselves credit, then, for giving ourselves some of the attention that we need.

The problem, dear friends, is that we are not pouring enough of ourselves back into our own personal well-being.  We slack when it comes to our relationship with our Heavenly Father (how many times have you caught yourself saying "I will do my devotions later.  There is just so much stuff that needs to be done in the house."), we slack when it comes to our eating habits ("I'll just grab a bite to eat on the way to my meeting."), and we slack when it comes to exercise ("I will go for that walk tomorrow.  I am just too tired today.").

We need to learn to put ourselves first too.  It is okay to say "I will take the time to go for that walk right now.  The dishes can wait."  We need to take that extra few minutes to prepare a healthy meal or snack before heading out the door.

If we continue to pour ourselves out to others and not pour enough back into ourselves we are going to reach that inevitable burn out.

It happens . . . . to ALL of us.

Now is the time to make yourself aware of it.

Maybe you are not naturally a giving person.  That is okay!  However, somewhere along the lines I am sure that you, too, have lost sight of yourself.

God calls our bodies "temples of the Holy Spirit" (1 Corinthians 6 vv 19 to 20) and he calls us to "honour [Him] with our body."  My question to you, then, is how can we honour Him with our body if we are not taking care of it?

Dear Friends, I urge you to remember to take time for yourself.  Take time to rest, take time to eat healthy and take time to encourage yourself.

Above all, take time to spend in solitude with your Heavenly Father who loves you greatly.

You will reap the rewards when you do!  And believe me, they are well worth it!

The Dreaded Bathing Suit

Bathing Suit Season.

Dreaded, horrible, scary . . . . bathing suit season.

At least, that is how I used to feel.

The thought of putting on a bathing suit terrified me.  How could I allow people to see stretch marks, cellulite, jiggly legs and dare I mention my tummy!  Oh man!  That fact alone would have me run screaming from the nearest beach or pool!

I have never been a fan of "bearing all" in order to go swimming.  One pieces wouldn't do it for me as it still could not hide the rolls.  Tankinis were always a no go because my tummy would hang out the bottom.  I hated the idea of wearing a t-shirt over my bathing suit because it just made me feel like a beached whale!

A lot of that has changed in the last year though.  I have started to look at myself in a different light and have started realizing that I have a lot more to live for than caring what other people think about the way that I look in a bathing suit.

I want to be able to enjoy the time at the beach or the pool with my children.  I don't want to be chained down by my appearance or by those evil and nasty thoughts that swirl through my mind.

I didn't like feeling embarrassed or feeling fat.  I didn't want to be a woman that people went home and talked about amongst their friends.

Have you ever felt that way?  It is such a gut wrenching feeling.  It brings you down and draws you into this deep dark place.

I really disliked being in that state of mind.

Yet here I sit, 8 pounds away from my goal and I am an extremely happy person.  Not only because of the fact that I have lost weight (I mean, that is an occasion in and of itself to be happy about it) but because I am finally starting to feel good in my body.  I still feel like I have a long ways to go.  Not just weight wise, but personal appreciation wise.

I have found it interesting to learn that despite not being able to exercise these last few weeks (and still not being able to exercise as my knee is still slightly swollen and agitated) that I am still losing weight.  It goes to show that weight loss is not just about how much you exercise, but also about diet or how and what you eat.

Don't get me wrong.  Exercise is IMPORTANT!  I will never deny or doubt that.  It is great for raising your endorphins and making you feel better about yourself.  It has a way of lifting moods and raising spirits and helping you to get through your day or work out stress in a healthy manner.  Not to mention all the other health benefits that are associated with exercise.

However, no amount of exercise is going to do us any good if we continue to eat in the same manner that we had been before.  Not amount of exercise can justify that donut you ate the other day or that bowl of chips you ate on Saturday.

Losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise.  I always thought that I needed to work my pretty little tail off in order to lose weight.  The downside was that I was not really paying attention to what I was eating or how much I was eating.  I may have seen muscle developing but the numbers on the scale were stuck.

Since I have started with the South Beach Diet and since having this knee injury I am beginning to realize more and more the truth to all of this.  Not to mention the power of prayer!  Every day I am so thankful for this new found relationship with God that I have been given.

Dear Friends, might I remind you, at the end of all, to not get discouraged!  Keep at it and know that there are many out there who are cheering you on!  Me included!!!!!

Oh!  That dreaded bathing suit?  We are slowly learning to become friends.  I haven't quite ventured out too far with it yet, but we are getting there.  Who knows, maybe by the end of the summer I will have made it to the public beach without hesitation and without fear!

I Am A Work In Progress

It struck me this morning, as I was getting dressed for the day, how much of our values are placed in our appearance.

I have always dreaded getting dressed.  Dressing up for a fancy occasion?  Well, it is filled with anxiety, dread, fear and multiple outfit changes to find the exact one that will not show my "mommy pouch."

Why do we, as women, think that people are going to judge us and who we are inside by what we wear outside?  Will it make me a nicer person if I wore dress pants and blouses to work instead of my usual comfy pants and a shirt?

Well, the answer is an obvious No.  However, I will be treated differently by the way that I am dressed.

Don't get me wrong, I do not think it is appropriate to wear sweatpants and baggy shirts to the office when you are meeting with clients.  However, I work in a field that causes me to get messy and be hands on.  Wearing expensive clothes is not an option (in more ways than one!).

So why is it that I feel the need to work myself into a frenzy when it is time to put on a mere pair of jeans?  Why does the thought of someone being able to see my stomach rolls make me want to hide away from the world?

To be honest, it seems like such a petty concern when their are bigger things to be worried about.  I feel like someone should be slapping me on my wrist or pouring a glass of cold water over my head and say "Snap out of it Laura!"

A very good friend of mine, whom I love dearly, put it this way.

When you have been extremely overweight, it doesn't matter how hard you try, it is so hard to see yourself as something other than obese.

Wow......

That sounds exactly. like. me.

Crazy, I know.  Yet when I look in the mirror I still see this big belly with rolls and fat and that darn muffin top spilling over the top of my jeans.  Let's not even begin to talk about the stretch marks!

I struggle with this . . . . DAILY!  My prayers often include the words "let me see myself for the beautiful woman that you created."

Yet I wonder.  Is this vanity talking?  Do I really need to have the approval from others for how I look?  Should I not be more concerned about how I look to my Heavenly Father?  And not only how I look on the outside, but how my heart and soul look to Him?

Why, then, do I burden myself with such craziness?  I have yet to find an answer to this.

All I can say is this.  I am a work in progress and I hope and pray that God is not finished with me yet!  I still have some spiritual growing to do!

The Power of a Praying Husband

Dear Friends, this past Friday, late afternoon, was a difficult time for me.  My husband was home from a 4 day work related trip to Indiana and I had just finished work.  I was in the shower trying to talk to my husband about some of my frustrations with respect to my eating and I had a meltdown.

A full-fledged, blubbering mess kind of breakdown.

My poor husband must have thought that I was losing my mind.  If there was ever a time where he would have been justified to have walked away shaking his head, this was it.

However, he did something that spoke volumes to my heart.  He wrapped his arms around me, drew me close and prayed for me.  Not a prayer that I would be okay but a heart-spoken, emotional prayer with our daughters present.

If he wasn't holding on to me I probably would have fallen down on my knees.

The best part was not just the prayer, not just the fact that right there I knew my husband loved me unconditionally, nor the fact that our daughters witnessed their Daddy praying for their Mommy.  It was the incredible sense of peace that washed over me as he spoke those words to our gracious and heavenly Father.

Dear friends, my husband has endured many years of hearing me complain about my weight and my health and my lack of self-esteem and appearance issues.  He has scratched his head along with me as I have gone through many different cycles of eating healthy and then binge eating.  Losing weight and then gaining it back.

I have cried many tears in front of him as I tried to make him understand what it was like for me.  He would just hang his head and say "I don't get it."

Yet as late afternoon passed into evening I think he slowly had a "get it" moment.  A brief glimpse into the burden this has been for me year after year.

I have always known that my husband loved me.  There was never any doubt of that in my mind.  Time after time he would tell me that I was beautiful and he has always been good at complimenting me when I am wearing something that he really likes.

Yet when you are a person who struggles with your appearance due to your weight, sometimes the words just weren't enough.  Sometimes they didn't really reach me deep down like I needed or wanted them too.

However, when he prayed for me, as I stood there wrapped in his arms, his words were more than enough.  Because you see, at that very moment, there was no where else in the world that I would have rather been.

Knee Deep in Doctor's Orders

We have a diagnosis.  A horrible, unfortunate and displeasing diagnosis.  Well, at least to me anyway.

Sunday evening I went to the hospital to have x-rays on my right knee and it turns out that I have strained or aggravated the ligaments surrounding my right knee.  Along with this I also have fluid under my knee cap.  The good thing, according to the Doctor anyway, is that I do not have a stress fracture in my knee which is what he was concerned about.

So here is what the Doctor prescribed - since it could take 2 to 4 weeks for my knee to heal (as is common with this type of injury) I have been instructed to ice my knee for 10 to 15 minutes every hour and I am on restricted activity.  This means, no running.  No biking.  No walking.  Nadda.  Zip.  Zero.

I am bummed.

Don't get me wrong.  I completely understand why the Doctor has prescribed me rest and icing but it definitely sucks.  I dislike being told to sit around and do nothing.

Unless, of course, the day is like today!  The weather was absolutely beautiful today.  The sun was shinning and I was able to just lay outside on a blanket while the girls played all around me.  I cannot complain when the day is like that.

Still, as I think ahead to the next couple of weeks I am filled with a sense of dread.  It is so hard for me to think about the fact that I am unable to run for the next several weeks.  Not only that, but I am really limited in what I can do.

I know that I need to listen to the doctor if I expect my knee to feel better soon and I will be a good patient and I will listen, but I doubt that I will have a happy heart about the whole thing!

I never thought that I would reach this point in my life.  Since I have been married I have never really been on to enjoy physical exercise.  Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was getting used to being a married woman or maybe it had to do with the fact that I found out I was pregnant not long after Jason and I were married.  Whatever it was, I enjoyed being able to sit down at night and not have to focus on living an active lifestyle.

I am finally at the point where being active has become enjoyable.  The lady that did the x-rays on my knee said that she had never seen a person running with a smile on their face.  The second x-ray technician hit the nail on the head when she replied "Yeah, but we always finish off our run with a smile and feeling empowered!"  She was so right!

Now that I have to sit down and be still I am itching to be lacing up my shoes and hitting the pavement.  My heart is aching for time with just me and the road and the sound of the rhythm of my feet on the pavement.

Dear Friends, I hope that you do not mind that I ask you all for prayer.  These next few weeks are going to be a struggle for me not being able to exercise.  It is at times like this when I struggle with eating and I start to turn back to my old ways.  I do not want that any more.  So, Dear Friends, I ask for your prayers as I try to learn what God is asking of me in the next couple of weeks.  I ask that you pray that I will remain strong to my goals and that I will not let my resolve falter.

I will take this time to continue to come before God and ask that He makes his paths known to me.  I will do my best to quiet my heart and allow him to speak to me and to continue to grow my faith.

Dear Friends, with your help I can make it through these next few weeks.  I thank you in advance for your prayers.

Setback, Thrown Back and Picked Up!

There is nothing like an injury to make us feel a little less than adequate.

As I type to you all, dear friends, I sit with an ice pack wrapped around my knee grumbling to myself.

It is so frustrating to be laid up with an injury.  However, at the same time it is a quiet reprieve.

I will admit, during the start of this week I was beyond frustrated with my injury and extremely discouraged.  Here I had finally found something that I really enjoyed doing and was making time for and all of a sudden I was hit with a set back.

It felt like I had been knocked down and thrown back.

Many questions were flying around in my head:  How long am I going to be laid up for?  Will I even be able to run again?  What if I am told that I cannot run anymore and need to stick to something low impact?  What am I going to do?

You see, I was enjoying the fact that I could receive a very good workout in 20 minutes or so and I was no longer feeling guilty about being lazy.  I was able to get out for a run at least 4 times a week and I enjoyed those moments of solitude.

Now it was looking like maybe running would no longer be an option for me.  I still don't know if it is an option.  I guess that only time will be able to tell.

I will admit that I have "self diagnosed" myself as I have been unable to get in to see the doctor.  I believe I have a case of what is called Runners Knee.  It is extremely irritating and definitely not very comfortable.  It also makes simple tasks like walking up stairs quite awkward.  Not to mention trying to sit down on the ground with the kids!

I have been off from running all week.  I have been trying to be good at resting and icing my knee but since I run a day care, resting is almost impossible!  However, I have stayed out of my running shoes and have not gone for a run since Monday.  I was hoping to get out for a run tonight but I can still feel tightness in my knee and feel that it would be best to rest it for just a little while longer.

I have had to search out quiet solitude elsewhere this past week but I can still feel God speaking to my heart.  There has been an odd sense of peace the last two days.  To be honest, I wish that I could have heard Him speaking a lot sooner.  It probably would have saved me a tearful phone call to my husband on Wednesday afternoon!

I have been reminded that I cannot do things with my own strength.  I have witnessed God's awesomeness as I have read scripture, lifted my hands in worship and have quieted my heart.  Oh what a powerful, loving and gracious God we serve!

Dear Friends, an injury or a setback can be extremely discouraging.  However, it is important to know that these setbacks are not permanent.  There are other methods (even if they do not seem like an option at the time) and they can be treated and remedied.  I know that it is hard to see it at the time, but we will bounce back and we will continue on.

We just need to dig deep and find that motivation within us to carry on and be the strong, beautiful women that we can be!  And while we wait we can come before God with an open heart and an open mind and allow him to use our down time to quiet our hearts and reveal his glory to us!

When The Going Gets Tough

It is okay to cry.

That is what I keep reminding myself of these days.  Crying is not a sign of weakness nor is it a sign of failure.  It is just a sign that I am physically and emotionally exhausted at the moment.

This inner battle is really waging war on every part of me these days.

Nights have been spent with very little sleep.  Days seem to go by in a blur.  Memories seem to blend one into the next.

Every morning I wake up and say:  "Dear Heavenly Father:  Please give me the strength that I need to get through this day.  Give me the power to resist temptation and the understanding to know the difference between craving food and craving you.  Allow my stomach to feel full and my heart to be empowered by your Holy Spirit and your life altering Word.  Amen"

Then I go and check my e-mail and temptation after temptation stares me in the face as I see recipes for some kind of dessert or some kind of cookie or treat.

Thankfully, God has empowered me to remain strong through those temptations.  He has given me the power to know that these temptations will only set me back in my walk from Him.

So, I quickly delete the temptations from in front of me and I turn to His Word.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance."  (James 1 vv 2 and 3)

"Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."  (Hebrews 2 v 18)

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  (Hebrews 4 vv 14 to 16)

Dear Friends, I do not know about you but how comforting it is to know that Jesus was tempted just as we are.  Yet he remained faithful to His father just like we are asked to remain faithful.  How comforting and glorious to know that we can call on Him in our time of need and he will help us through our temptations.

Oh how blessed are we to have One who intercedes on our behalf!  I take joy and comfort in knowing that I need to only ask for the power and the knowledge to fight temptation and it will be given to me.

My battle will be won.  It will not be overnight and it will not happen without work.  I will continue to seek out our Heavenly Father and I will fight back with God's word and with prayer.

Dear Friends, if you are battling temptations know that you are not alone.  Your struggle is no less signification than someone else's.  That is what makes it your struggle.  Take heart it knowing that you have a Heavenly Father that wants to do battle FOR you.

And it is okay to cry.  You are not weak.  You are strong and you are courageous and you are beautiful!

My Running Partner is Prayer

Training.

I never thought that I would be saying that word again.  And yet here I am actively admitting that I am training.

Not in the "work my tail off to the point where I am so exhausted I have nothing left to give my family" kind of training, but the "let's keep this up so that I can accomplish this" kind of training.

There is an all women 5 km race held in Toronto in October and I am looking to register!  To be honest, I am actually kind of excited about it!  The last time I ran a race was in October 2007 . . . 6 months after I gave birth to Hailey, our youngest daughter.

I have always had a soft spot for running.  I cannot say that I am very good at it, but I enjoy it.  I love the feeling of the pavement beneath my feet and the way that I can just get lost in my music as I round the corners of the streets in my neighbourhood.

I love being able to plug into my music and being able to let go of the day.  With every step that I take as I run the streets of this town, I find that whatever stress I had about the day is being left right there.  Like it falls off my back and lands right there to be left behind.

Some of my favourite music to listen to while I am running is Praise and Worship music.  I love being able to worship and glorify God while I am pounding the pavement!  Plus, there is nothing better than hearing words being spoken to your heart while you are out there.  Often times I find myself in prayer as I run.  I know that you may think that praying while running is strange, but I find it to be a fantastic way to end my work day.  What better way to end your day then with songs bring Praise to our Heavenly Father and with the words of our mouth praising and glorifying Him, coming before Him and talking to Him as we would our own father or friend.

Plus, there are often times where I need to pray to ask God to give me the strength to finish that run at the end of the day.

Often times we tell ourselves that the only way we can come to God in prayer is on bended knee in a place of solitude.  How mistaken we are!  God wants us to come to Him in prayer at all times!  It doesn't matter if we are on the bus, walking to work or if we are out for a run at the end of the day.  When we come to God in prayer seeking forgiveness for our wrong doings and bring praises to Him then we are truly bringing Him everything.

Don't get me wrong, I am not denying the importance of prayer in solitude on bended knee.  I believe that this, too, is important.  However, we need to remember that God wants all of our prayers.  He wants us to reach out to Him and to talk to Him just as we would reach out to our best friend or to a loved one.  He wants us to talk to Him about our day.  He wants to be that listening ear.

So the next time you are out for a run or are on the treadmill or out for a walk, whatever form of exercise that you do, bring your day to Him in prayer.  You will feel the difference in your heart and trust me, it will all be worth it!!!

Through The Eyes of a Child

Have you ever tried to look at life through the eyes of your child?  Tried to see things as purely as they see them?  Without the distortions that have been placed on them by society?

This is Jordan.  She is my beautiful, rambunctious, energetic, 6 year old daughter.  She is one of my blessings.

As I walked past my bedroom a colourful sight caught my eye.  Taped to my door is a picture of me that Jordan drew (glasses and all!) with the following words written by her:  "You are lovely Mommy."

Now, Jordan drew this for me a long time ago.  It brought tears to my eyes then and as I walked past it this morning it brought tears to my eyes again.

You are LOVELY Mommy


Those words spoke volumes to my heart this morning.

Society as a whole has created this distorted vision of what "beauty" looks like.  There is a lot of pressure placed on us as woman by society that if we are not petite than we are not beautiful, if we do not have certain proportionate figures we are not beautiful.

How wrong this thinking is!

It is not up to society to determine what beauty is because beauty is so much more than what we look like.  Beauty should be determined by what is inside.  NOT what is seen outside.

Yet many of us woman are caught up in the photos we see in magazines and the images we see on TV.  That to be beautiful I need to be able to wear a bikini on the beach and be a size 4 (or whatever the going size is now!).

I know that I am guilty of this myself.  I compare.  I pout.  I cry.

This stops today.  No more comparing.  No more caring what the other women at the pool think of me when I wear my bathing suit to go swimming with my kids.

I want to set an example for my children that shows them that leading a healthy lifestyle is important.

I want my children to know that they are beautiful no matter what society may think.

Most importantly, I want my children to know and have a loving relationship with their Heavenly Father.

I many not look like other woman but I am lovely.  At least to those that matter most to me!

Struggles of the Heart

Dear Friends, I apologize for my lack of writing lately.  I was away on a trip to a Children's Ministry conference in Atlanta.  Let me tell you, my heart, my mind and my soul were filled to the brim while I was away!  It is so amazing to be in a place with 5,000 other people praising and lifting our hands and hearts in worship to our Heavenly Father!

My week away brought a lot of realizations into my life.  Some of those being my own personal relationship with our Heavenly Father and others being the lives of my children.  I feel so refreshed after being away!  What was even more touching to me was coming home to my family and hearing of how much they appreciate all that I do!

With all that being said, these last 3 days have brought challenges for me.  I am finding myself struggling giving over my weight issues to God.  Before I left I thought that I had truly brought my struggles to the foot of the cross and left them in the hands of God.  However, now that I have returned home I have since learned that I am still looking at it in terms of self and not in terms of bringing all that I have to Him.

The numbers are making me increasingly discouraged as well.  It has been 21 days since I have begun making many lifestyle changes and I have yet to see an impact in the numbers.  I am trying to remind myself that this journey is not just about the numbers.  That I am not determined by the size of my clothes but rather by my love for our Heavenly Father.

Still, discouragement seems to surround me.  How can I be making these lifestyle changes and not be seeing a difference?  What will it take for me to bring my weight down to a healthier place?  Is this a test for me?

I wish that I had the answers to the questions that circle around in my head each day.

I am currently reading a book by John Piper titled "A Hunger for God:  Desiring God Through Fasting and Prayer".  I am finding myself at a point where I need to do all that I can to try and still my mind and my heart so that I can hear God speaking to me clearly.

Dear Friends, I want to thank you for sticking with me this far.  Please know that this is my cry for help and a way for you to understand, even if it is briefly, the struggles that many of us face when it comes to our weight.  It is so easy for us to put labels on people, but remember that you do not know the struggles of their heart.

Discouragement In The Form of a Number

There are mornings where I wake up and just feel completely and utterly defeated.  I know that this journey is not only about the numbers on the scale.  I know that it is not only about how I look outside, but also about how I feel inside.  I know that it is about my walk with God and not just about my weight loss journey.

Unfortunately, though, I still want the scale to reflect the work and the effort that I have been putting into all of this.

I find that as I work hard to achieve a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle there are many factors that get in the way of that.  You see, I am someone who becomes easily discouraged with myself.  I beat myself down for eating the wrong things and I become increasingly frustrated with the weigh scale.

This morning, as I stepped on the scale I was utterly shocked to see the numbers GO UP!  It was increasingly frustrating and all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and cry.  It is discouraging to see numbers rise when you want them to fall.

Since going back to bed was not an option I did the only other thing that I could think of to do.  I prayed.

This time around I don't want to give up.  I don't want to become so discouraged that I resort back to binge eating and filling myself up with unhealthy choices.  This time around I want to fill myself up with the Holy Spirit and know that God is in control.

So today I will turn to God rather then turn inwards.  Today I will make the choice to continue to let God be my guide and know that His hands are holding me as I take this journey.  Today I will strive to crave God more than the unhealthy choices that will inevitably face me throughout the day.

Will you make that choice too?  Will you tell yourself that today is the day that I put God first?  Will you remind yourself that even though things can become discouraging and frustrating, God wants you to bring your struggles to Him, on bended knee, in earnest prayer?

I WILL!

The First Story of Temptation

I find it interesting when reading my Bible that Eve had the first interaction recorded in the Bible between woman and food.  Now, let me be honest with you, this is not information that I came across all on my own.  This was something that was pointed out to me through Made to Crave.  When I read the story my mind can't get past why Satan tempted Eve first.  However, to think that this craving food issue has been around since the beginning is almost unreal!  When looking at the story of The Fall we cannot ignore the fact that the Serpent used food as a tool.  If the very downfall of humanity was caused when Eve surrendered to a temptation to eat something that she wasn't supposed to eat, I do think our struggles with food are important to God. (Lysa TerKeurst Made To Crave)

That temptation that Eve was facing must have been an extremely difficult one.  I am not saying that she was as tempted as I am to sit down with that Lindt chocolate bunny that is sitting on my counter.  What I am saying is that there must have been a very strong draw for her towards that food.  Satan doesn't chose what he uses to tempts us lightly.  There is reasoning behind it.  He knows what we crave, what draws us, he knows where we are weak.

So now what?  Do you find yourself less drawn to that bag of chips in the cupboard or, like me, the Lindt Chocolate Bunny on the counter?  Does it make you look at things a little differently?  It allows me to be reminded that Satan is going to hit me at my weakest points day in and day out.  Every hour of every day he will be there to draw me away from what matters most -- my relationship with God.

It is interesting when I think back on when I am tempted the most with unhealthy food choices.  It is more than likely when I am near or around something that triggers my cravings.  Fast food restaurants, snacks on the table while watching a movie, going to gatherings at friends' houses . . . these places are all open areas where I cannot hide from my temptations.

So the question arises:  what do I do?  I cannot stop going to friends' houses and I do not want to stop watching movies at home with my family.  Fast food restaurants are inevitable as they are everywhere.  So do I allow my temptations to win me over instead of filling myself up on all the wholeness and goodness that our Heavenly Father has to offer?  To I throw away everything that I have worked towards just because it is what is easiest?

God never said that things would be easy.  He never said that if we are to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him that our burdens would be light.  If I want to have a closer relationship with God and if I want to stop allowing my cravings for food to draw me away from Him, then I need to plant my feet firmly in the word and know that through Him, all things are possible.

So when I go to my friends' house I will stand firm and allow myself to only eat vegetables.  When I watch movies with my family I will make healthier choices and reach for that air popped popcorn instead of those greasy, salty chips.  And Fast Food restaurants?  Well, I will do everything in my power to avoid them.  Even if it means packing a lunch from home!  If that's not possible?  Then I will make healthy choices and opt for a wrap or salad instead of hamburger and fries.

My dear friends, we are never alone when we battle with Satan.  God is always there with us and He will stand firm with us.  We only need to ask.

Sweet Success!

Dear friends, the day is finally here where I can share some sweet success stories with you all!  I almost thought that this day would never come!

It has been a great week for me.  I have fought through many temptations thanks to our heavenly Father.  I will admit, there were many prayers said throughout the course of the week just to find the strength to not over eat and to ensure that I was making healthy choices for me.

My poor children may not understand the need for me to go hide in my room for 5 minutes during random times throughout the day, but it truly has been worth it.

Despite the fact that I am fighting a cold (it has not yet reached the surface but you can tell that it is there trying to make its unwelcome presence known!) I have fought through laziness and have found myself exercising more often.

Okay, I will admit, maybe it helps that my husband is training for a bike race that he is in this coming Saturday and he has been helping to keep me motivated (even though he probably doesn't even know it).  Still, I find this to be a big success for me.  I am lazy and I know it.  So to be able to say that we are on the morning of Day 4 for the week and I have already done some form of workout 3 times, makes me one happy woman!

Before I share my most exciting success story with you, let me start off by admitting that I have not fared well in my weigh scale addiction.  I may not be weighing myself every morning, but I am certainly on there every other day hoping beyond hope that those numbers will change.  So, as I stepped out of the shower this morning I did just that, but guess what?

THE NUMBERS CHANGED!

I am beyond ecstatic, to say the least.  It may only be a three pound weight loss, but to me this is amazing!  I take joy in the small things and this weight loss not only makes me happy inside, but it also certifies that I am making healthier choices for me.

Dear friends, I have not seen myself this happy in quite some time.  This truly is a joyous and momentous occasion for me.  It is a true sign that I need to keep going.  That I need to continue pushing through.

Thank you for your kind words over the last few weeks.  I greatly appreciate knowing that my words are touching other people's lives.