Thursday, April 19, 2012

Discouragement In The Form of a Number

There are mornings where I wake up and just feel completely and utterly defeated.  I know that this journey is not only about the numbers on the scale.  I know that it is not only about how I look outside, but also about how I feel inside.  I know that it is about my walk with God and not just about my weight loss journey.

Unfortunately, though, I still want the scale to reflect the work and the effort that I have been putting into all of this.

I find that as I work hard to achieve a healthy weight and a healthy lifestyle there are many factors that get in the way of that.  You see, I am someone who becomes easily discouraged with myself.  I beat myself down for eating the wrong things and I become increasingly frustrated with the weigh scale.

This morning, as I stepped on the scale I was utterly shocked to see the numbers GO UP!  It was increasingly frustrating and all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and cry.  It is discouraging to see numbers rise when you want them to fall.

Since going back to bed was not an option I did the only other thing that I could think of to do.  I prayed.

This time around I don't want to give up.  I don't want to become so discouraged that I resort back to binge eating and filling myself up with unhealthy choices.  This time around I want to fill myself up with the Holy Spirit and know that God is in control.

So today I will turn to God rather then turn inwards.  Today I will make the choice to continue to let God be my guide and know that His hands are holding me as I take this journey.  Today I will strive to crave God more than the unhealthy choices that will inevitably face me throughout the day.

Will you make that choice too?  Will you tell yourself that today is the day that I put God first?  Will you remind yourself that even though things can become discouraging and frustrating, God wants you to bring your struggles to Him, on bended knee, in earnest prayer?

I WILL!

2 comments:

Jen said...

Hey Laura,
I was on Mckmamas blog, reading some of the comments to see what other readers were saying about why they should win her "system". after reading a few I realized I shouldnt even enter- because a) I could afford to buy it if I really wanted to, and b) everyone else seems to have struggled more, or at least tried harder than I have to loose weight. I followed the link to your blog, and here I am. One of the reasons I wanted to read what you had to say was because I am about the same weight. I don't know much about your personal story, but here's a quicky on mine. Much of my identity is tied to my looks. In highschool- college, and early marriage I was considered a "hottie" ;) Then, 6 mo into marriage I became prego. I went from a size 4 to a 12 post preggo. In the following years (9 since my first baby) I have earned 2 degrees, had 2 more babies, and moved across country 3 times. With each pregnancy I gained approx 50lbs. My newest babe is almost 5 mo old. I'm still around 16lbs pre prego weight for this one, but still approx 50lbs from when I started birthin babies. I haven't worn shorts in about 9 years, I dread bathing suites, and pictures. I'll be 36 in a month. BUT, one thing is- I do know how to loose weight. When I was 22 I put on a quick 30ish pounds. I tried several diets/work outs- and Im really bad at dieting. When I diet I get kinda crazy. A friend of mine who had just had a baby when on the ZONE diet. She lost all her baby weight, and then some. I gave it a shot. Within 3 months all the weight was off- and in the next cpl years I lost another 10 or so, putting me to an all time low of 115lbs. And, I could eat what I wanted- I just had to balance the carbs/fats/protiens. During that time I also read the "Eat right for your Blood type diet" Mine is type 0+, which means Im a meat eater. Weight gain for me = grains,breads, ect. I can however eat sugar fairly successfully. Thank you Lord!!! Like, if I wanted to eat a huge piece of cake, I would just have a salad and a chicken breast with it. My friends thought I was lying, because they didnt understand why I could eat what I wanted AND loose/maintain a tiny figure. The best thing about that discovery was that it took away that powerlessness I felt with my weight. In reading a few entries here, it just brought all that back- which is why I'm typing the longest comment EVER! My email is slecky76@hotmail.com if you want to contact me..... The best advice would be to go to amazon asap and get those two books: THE ZONE, (make sure to get the origianl, it has recipies and a chart that tells you how many grams are in pretty much everything you eat) and EAT RIGHT FOR YOUR BLOOD TYPE. Just remember, eating is a metabolic process (Im a nurse) each meal you eat is processed and metabolized by itself- which is good new, because if you screw up on one meal, you have a new slate for the next! That's what happens on the ZONE, you actually turn your body into a fat burning machiene! I'm ecxited about this- and am going to get off my butt and do some p90x!! =) jen

Laura said...

Hi Jen and WELCOME to my blog! I greatly appreciate you coming by and telling me your story! :)

I too struggle with looks and appearance and find myself comparing myself to others. It is unfortunate that I cannot see myself for the unique individual that God created me to be.

Your pregnancy story sounds very similar to mine. I gained 65 lbs with my first daughter and was almost down to pre-pregnancy weight when I found out I was, unexpectedly, pregnant with our second daughter just 9 short months later. After she was born I have struggled to lose any kind of weight.

I too hardly ever wear shorts and dread bathing suits and pictures! I always find that I may feel like I am doing great and then all of a sudden I see a picture of myself and cringe! LOL I will have to look into that Zone diet that you talk about. I had never heard of it before. I know that for me, I definitely cannot eat sweets as it just packs on the pounds.

I greatly appreciate you taking them to write this comment to me! I will definitely be looking much more closely into those books that mentioned!