I've Got That Empty Feeling

An empty bottomless pit feeling.  It's not fun.

I like to think that the only thing empty is my stomach, but if I am being honest with myself then I know that this is not the case.  My body may be obese, but my spirituality is facing a period of starvation.

One thing I am coming to understand through Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst is that I have spent many years of my life trying to find satisfaction and gratification in food.  I was trying to be filled up physically while not concentrating on being filled up spiritually.

Let me clarify something.  When I say that my stomach is empty I am not meaning literally.  Right now the empty feeling is not because I have not eaten, but rather because I am eating the correct portion sizes of food and I am still hungry.  Over eating for as many years as I have causes the stomach to stretch and I am now in the process of trying to "shrink" it.  It may not be the most enjoyable process ever, but at least I know that I am making healthy choices.  As I type this I just finished eating some almonds and an apple for my afternoon snack.  My stomach?  Still hungry!

It is interesting to consider that although I did just eat a snack and know that it was fulfilling, I am feeling like I am lacking something.  The truth is, with respect to food there is nothing lacking.  My body is just screaming at me, begging me to fill it with some kind of sugary goodness that I am sure is lurking in one of my kitchen cupboards.  I will not give in.

I always thought that praying and talking to God about my weight was, in a way, being vain.  I never thought that I really should give it all over to him.  To be honest, I thought it foolish.  Yet today I have found myself deeper in prayer then I have been in the last few weeks.  I have found myself talking to God more and trying to find my strength through Him.  I have found myself, quite literally, on my knees.

I want this journey to not only be a physical journey, but also a spiritual one.  I look forward to my increasing talks with God and to the times that He will bring me to my knees.  I know that I have a long way to go, but I am taking them one tiny little step at a time.