I had one of those days. I will admit, I have been doing very well with my eating and not giving into temptation and making healthy choices. I have been praying as the temptations arise and have found myself breaking down my mountain.
Then it hit me. A picture of myself wearing shorts and a tank top. A video of me performing on stage at our church for our local children's camp. I was mortified by what I saw. A stomach that jiggled with every step I took and my shorts looking like if I bent over the wrong one I just might bust a button, or, even worse, a seam!
It is times like this that make me want to dig a little deeper and work harder. Yet when I fail it makes me feel even worse. I like to think when I leave the house in the morning that I look good. What a let down that can be sometimes!
The best part is, I am finally down two pounds! All that singing and dancing and biking is paying off! However, I am still embarrassed by how I look.
My husband once asked me why I wore sweatpants and Yoga pants all the time and it was so hard for me to admit that putting on jeans made me want to cry. I felt better wearing baggier clothes because I felt that maybe, just maybe, it would help hide that protruding belly or that major Muffin top that always showed.
I want desperately to see myself as beautiful no matter what my size is. I know that the time will come where I can see myself as others see me. I will admit, though, that the day I am speaking of seems so far away.
Thank you for taking this journey with me. I have received some wonderful comments on my Facebook page from so many of you that either going through the same struggles or who just want to be supportive and I want to thank all of you.
We will make it through this journey together. There will be mountains and there will be valleys with each and every step we take, but together I know that we can get through them.
So my prayer is this: "Dear Lord: Please help me to see myself as the beautiful and wonderfully complex woman that you made me to be. Help my inner beauty outshine my outer appearance. Help me to be a woman after your own heart. Strengthen me as I resist temptations to food and help me break down my idols. Lord I want to break down the mountain and build a pathway that leads directly to you. With your help and your strength I know that I can do this. Thank you for being there for me to fill me up with spiritual nourishment. In your name I pray, Amen."
4 comments:
I like your idea to stop weighing yourself everyday and pick one day a week as your weigh in day.... It IS frustrating when your weight stays the same or goes UP a pound!!!
Keep up the good work - you're doing great. And PS - I heard really great things about how wonderful you were at VBS last week :)
Testing it for you :)
Laura...you and I should get together for coffee. Sounds like we share a lot of the same struggles :) I'm encouraged by your willingness to share your struggles and your honesty about such a personal part of your life is refreshing. I would encourage you to keep up the great work...you've certainly been an encouragement to me. Thanks!
Hey Laura......I kind of chuckled at your title...Hide!! I see a camera. I don't think of being fat until I see my reflection in a window or until I see a picture of myself. I have recently quit dieting....I am going to see how long this will last though.
Actually I am going to take on Canada's food guide. I already eat healthy....so it shouldn't be too difficult. A couple of friends are going to join me.....we are calling it the Canada Food Guide Challenge. People claim to lose weight on it...so we are going to try it and see. Keep going on with your blogs...I love reading them and your courage to admit things.
"We are where we are and who we are and it is not by chance" FRancis Chan.
God needs us.....
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